Hey Byron, good article. I couldn't really agree with you more because I know I've done some stupid things while driving and using my cell phone. Firstly, you need to have a thesis statement. Your blog covers a lot of ground in what I would imagine to be the first paragraph. This isn't a bad thing but you need to ground your argument in something more specific than, "Cell phones are dangerous while driving so there should be laws against this act". Also, focusing on a certain age group could be possibility for a thesis. Your thesis could be something like proposing a law(very basic) and then supporting it using much of the information you already have. Really, that was the only serious improvement you needed. Some more numbers and statistics couldn't hurt but you did well. Just make sure to echo your thesis statement in your conclusion. -thanks, nick
Hey Byron, good article. I couldn't really agree with you more because I know I've done some stupid things while driving and using my cell phone. Firstly, you need to have a thesis statement. Your blog covers a lot of ground in what I would imagine to be the first paragraph. This isn't a bad thing but you need to ground your argument in something more specific than, "Cell phones are dangerous while driving so there should be laws against this act". Also, focusing on a certain age group could be possibility for a thesis. Your thesis could be something like proposing a law(very basic) and then supporting it using much of the information you already have. Really, that was the only serious improvement you needed. Some more numbers and statistics couldn't hurt but you did well. Just make sure to echo your thesis statement in your conclusion. -thanks, nick
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